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Raising Irish Twins

Jan 23, 2015 · 16 Comments

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How to handle life while parenting and raising Irish Twins, 2 children under 1. Tips for parenting 2 young children.  Advice is also great for 2 under 2!

How to handle life while parenting and raising Irish Twins, 2 children under 1. Tips for parenting 2 young children.  Advice is also great for 2 under 2! | parenting

2 Babies under 1

Irish Twins. When two children are born in succession within one year.  Having 2 children close together can be both a difficult and beautiful thing.   If you're pregnant, you're probably worried about how it all will work, and if you're a veteran mom of Irish Twins you probably have your own list of struggles and questions.  Raising Irish Twins can be hard, and here I'll tell you exactly what it's like to have 2 babies 1 and under and give some advice along the way.

But first I'll share a little of my story.  My first two are almost Irish Twins.  They didn't quite make the cut-off (missed it by 16 days, to be exact), mostly because my second son did not want to come out! My oldest two are 12 months and 16 days apart.  So...

How Do You Handle Life while raising Irish Twins?

You just do.  There's a learning curve for everything, and raising Irish Twins is no different.  Every experience is a little different, and you'll be surprised to find out just what you're capable of.  But to help with your worries, here's some common concerns about raising Irish Twins.

 

Leaving Your Baby for Delivery

This was one of the things that I was most concerned about before I had my second.  My first Irish Twin was also my first baby, and as such I was super over-protective.  He stayed with me, always.  And if there was a rare occasion where Mr. Gracious and I had a date night, we would still pick him up from the grandparents' before we went home for the night.  Having never left him over night, I was naturally scared of doing so.  He's never slept anywhere but home, and now I have to leave him for TWO nights while I'm at the hospital?! No good.

My advice if you're a protective Mama Bear, like myself, is to give it a trial run.  I know, I know.  You don't want to.  But a trial run will give both of you the opportunity to prepare for the birth.  You'll see that your baby will be just fine spending a night away from you, and he'll have some fun with the trusted sitter of your choice and adjust to the surroundings.  The last thing you need to be worrying about when you're trying to deliver a baby is if your first baby is okay.  You will probably worry anyway (because that's just what moms do!), but this will help.  Really.

 

Handling 2 (or more!) Things at Once

Nursing Basket 3
Want to make your own Nursing Basket? Here's how I set up mine!

Being a woman and a mom, you're likely already an expert multi-tasker, but you also know how demanding a little baby can be (because you still have one!).  Babies are needy and clingy, and your brain is probably about to explode trying to imagine juggling two needy little babies at once.

My solution to this was (and still is, now that we have three small children) simple.  Triage.  Who has the greatest need right now, right at this moment in time?  Take care of that first, then move on to the next problem.  That's how First Responders take care of emergency disaster situations, and frankly, you may often feel like you're in the midst of an emergency disaster situation.  So, triage. Prioritize.  What need can wait and what need cannot?

The other issue I found myself running into was that while I was nursing or rocking my colicky second son, my first son would use that opportunity to try to get into as much trouble as he possibly could, knowing that I could really only snap my fingers and give him my "mommy-means-business" stern look.  My mother had a wonderful idea to make special baskets, used only for nursing time.  These baskets were filled with special new toys or DVDs, and my oldest also had a special "nursing chair" (a fun Elmo one) that was right next to our rocker that he could only use while I was nursing or rocking the baby.  These "nursing baskets," as I like to call them provided a distraction for my oldest while I was dealing with my youngest. This helps your oldest to stay occupied (Hey! Fun, new things!), and it can help him feel like he's special too.  Sure, my little brother is having special time with Mommy, but I get to play with these special toys Mommy gave me!

 

Guilt

This aspect of having two children very close together was particularly difficult for me to deal with, especially before my second was born.  I felt guilty that I was "taking away" my oldest son's baby-hood, and I felt guilty that I wouldn't be able to focus as much attention on my second son as I did my first.  These are common feelings no matter how far apart your kids are spaced.  Don't worry, you're normal.  I don't really have a solution for this one other than to reassure you that those feelings die away with time.  You will adjust,  both children will adjust, and you'll fall into a schedule and a system that works well for everyone. Eventually, you won't even be able to imagine life without either one of your little blessings.

I did find ways to have one-on-one time with each of my children.  We started sending our oldest to preschool for one morning every week, and those few hours became my special time with our youngest.  Since my youngest was still taking two naps, while my oldest was already down to one, I'd hang out with my oldest son during morning nap time.

How to handle life while parenting and raising Irish Twins, 2 children under 1. Tips for parenting 2 young children.  Advice is also great for 2 under 2! | parenting
These are my two *almost* Irish Twins on their first fishing trip.

Exhaustion

I'm just going to be blatantly honest with you here.  You will be tired.  You will be so tired that you will only barely be able to function.  My first child totally spoiled us.  He was a phenomenal sleeper.  Mr. Gracious and I thought we were expert sleep trainers.  And then our second came.  He did not sleep.  Ever.  He still doesn't sleep all the way through the night without waking up for some silly reason or another, and he's three.  I was so tired for the first six months of his life, that I literally do not remember it.  I can remember that it happened, but can't recall very many specific events (you know, because sleep helps you to properly implant memories, and I was getting none).

But, even if you do happen to luck out with two amazing sleepers, you'll still be super tired.  All of that multi-tasking, constant diaper changing, feeding, taking complete care of TWO small, totally helpless children... It's really exhausting, even when you are getting good rest.

My advice? If someone offers to watch the kids for an hour or two, take them up on that offer.  Then sleep.  Seriously.  The housework will wait until you don't feel like you're dying from exhaustion.  I can also reassure you that the first 6 months is the worst.  If you can make it through just those first 6 months, you're golden.  It takes time for your body to adjust to the new work load, and by 6 months your youngest will (hopefully) be letting you get more sleep at night as well.

If you don't live near family or you just can't get a sitter for the moment, put the babies in the car and take a little drive.  The babies will likely fall asleep and you can have a moment of peace and quiet to let your mind wander and collect yourself before trying to take on the rest of the day.  I did this weekly, if not more, and I really think it saved my sanity.

 

Leaving the House

Leaving the house with two small children can get a bit tricky.  There are some things you can do to make it easier (because eventually you will need to run out and buy groceries, at least!)

Let's talk about shopping carts first.  These pose a problem because your oldest really still needs to sit in the cart (Even if he is walking, it's likely still slow toddling with lots of falling), and your youngest may not even be able to sit up yet.  I'm not sure if this is true of all Wal-Marts, but at the ones near me they have a double shopping cart with a place for a baby or toddler to sit and an infant carrier (it looks kind of like a bouncer and has straps like a car seat. See the picture below!).  Because of this, Wal-Mart became my favorite go-to grocery store when the kids were super little.  When they got bigger, I started shopping at Aldi again because they have double sitting carts, which is awesome.  My advice is to locate a store with one of these nifty double cart innovations and go there!

How to handle life while parenting and raising Irish Twins, 2 children under 1. Tips for parenting 2 young children.  Advice is also great for 2 under 2! | parenting
Here's that cart at Wal-Mart I was talking about!

What if I can't find a store like that near me? I'm glad you asked.  We live in a small town about 45 minutes away from the nearest civilization (and Wal-Mart).  If I wanted to just run to a local store and not spend an extra hour and a half driving, I would bring my baby carrier (I had a Moby Wrap and highly recommend it.)  Your older baby can sit in the cart and you can carry your younger baby with your hand still free! Perfect set-up!

Another leaving-the-house-trick I picked up was to not carry a diaper bag.  I already had to carry 2 kids, and less is more here, so I started packing my car instead of a bag.  I have 2 bins in my car (yes, I still do this even though my oldest two are now 3 and 4).  One is for "necessities," and one is for "fun."  My necessities bin has diapers, water, snacks, a change of clothes for each, extra spoons, bibs, etc.  Anything I might need when I leave the house.  My fun bin is filled with stuff to keep them occupied, such as small toys and books.  Now, I only have to gather my kids when I leave because I already have everything else waiting for me in the car!

 

It's not all bad!

Yes, it's exhausting, and yes, there's tons of multi-tasking, but it's not all bad! In fact, there's a lot of really good things that come along with having 2 children very close in age.

My oldest 2 are best friends.  They are super close because they go through the same phases at almost the same time.  They like the same things; they play with the same toys.  They stick up for each other, even to me! Nobody picks on my brother!  

Being so close also lends itself to more independent play as they start to get older.  They love to play with each other, which gives me an opportunity to get some other things done.  Having 2 kids close together is like giving your children a life-time best friend (So stop feeling guilty!)

Like I mentioned, they go through phases at almost the same time.  I was completely done with diapers for these two in 3 and a half years! Done! That's so much better than diapers for 6 years continuously!  You get through all of the "bad stuff" so much quicker when they're spaced closely together.

Also, once you get through those first super exhausting 6 months, the children will likely fall into a similar schedule- same afternoon nap-time, same bed time, etc.  This will give you some time for yourself for showering or napping (or cleaning or Pinterest-ing,... oh, the possibilities!)

I love having my boys close together, and even though it's difficult at times, I definitely wouldn't change it.  Don't worry.  Everything will work out.  You can do it, Super-Mom!

 

If you're raising Irish Twins, what is your best advice? Or if you're about to have Irish Twins, what's your biggest worry?

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Comments

  1. Christina says

    May 12, 2015 at 10:39 pm

    Great Advice! My kids are a little further apart- 17 months between #1 & #2 and then 16 months between #2 & #3. #4 came almost 3 years after that. It's a hard life but it does get easier. I shared my helpful hints of getting by with 4 children here: http://fromonemommatoanother2.blogspot.ca/2014/04/life-with-4-young-children.html I love my double stroller and my wraps- they make life so much simpler! (Reviews of the ones I have are on my blog).

    Reply
    • Michelle says

      May 13, 2015 at 1:10 pm

      Thank you! Great post! I'm saving it in case we ever have a #4 🙂

      Reply
  2. Dawn says

    August 16, 2015 at 5:52 pm

    Good! I have 3 children, 1 & 2 are 19mths apart and 2 & 3 are 10mths apart. They are 31, 29, & 28 now. I only a few weeks ago heard of Irish twins 🙂 It was tough, especially because their father left us when the youngest was not quite 2 but we did fine and they have grown into wonderful, respectful, christian adults.

    Reply
  3. Jen says

    August 06, 2016 at 1:34 pm

    I just found out I am pregnant with my 2nd baby, this will make the 1st & 2nd just about 12 months apart. It wasn't planned but we are still happy to be having another little bundle of joy. The first 3 or even 6 months are going to be tough. I'm hoping to find a balance a some point

    Reply
    • Michelle says

      August 06, 2016 at 1:41 pm

      That's how far apart ours are, too, Jen. It was really hard at first, and sometimes still is, but I honestly enjoy having them this close together and can't imagine it any other way. And I'm totally not making up rainbows and unicorns when I say they're best buds. This morning my younger guy didn't feel well, and when I went to go get them for breakfast, my older one was laying quietly in his bed with him so that he would feel better (It was mostly amazing because I can't remember the last time either one of them was quiet...Lol). Anyway, you'll find a way to make it work for your family, and you'll definitely find a balance after the first few months!

      Reply
  4. Ginny says

    August 22, 2016 at 11:01 am

    Hi ladies. I just had my son (Braeden) this previous March 2016 and fell pregnant 3-4 months later. It wasn't planned however we know this is a blessing and we want a big family. We are both late 20's and love each other and daddy is a very hard working man. I have gotten so much negativity this whole second pregnancy (from other moms I know) other then my husband and the grandmas' excited for but concern for my mental and physical state. I mean come on another grand baby who could complain. Any who my biggest concern is the balance of things. I am a stay at home mother now due to my last job rejecting my promotion because I fell pregnant again. I know it's illegal but it wasn't worth the stress, money or time. Since I am home all the time with my baby boy I'm trying to keep a social life but it's hard. I have only one mom friend who's my sister in law and that's about it. I can promise my baby comes first in every single decision we make but mom time is nonexistent. I consider running to get dinner or taking a shower mom time. I am learning the balance with one, how am I to do two? Thank you ladies for listening.

    Reply
  5. Louise says

    October 14, 2016 at 1:58 pm

    Thanks so much for this reassuring article! Just this week found out i'm 8 weeks pregnant when my first born is currently 4 months old! My feelings of shock have progressed to denial to guilt to sheer panic! Not to mention blaming other half for doing this to me! Yet during a walk in park with pram feelings of calm have walked over me and right now feel it's best to not worry and take each day as it comes... Life is too short to panic... Yet my concerns lie mainly in uterus health and as i am 33 if all ok down there! I had a natural birth with first born. The worries in your article are exactly how I feel... But thanks for sharing the beautiful parts, made me feel a lot better x

    Reply
    • Lori says

      January 02, 2017 at 12:09 am

      Feel totally the same, but I actually tried for my second baby, since I am 36 and didn't expect it would happen the first month. Really nervous and scared, but glad my daughter will have a close sibling.

      Reply
  6. Scotty says

    March 30, 2017 at 2:57 am

    How about some advice for the soon to be dads of Irish twins? Also, I know how hard it is to be a parent of a child under one but I can only imagine what my wife is going through as she cares for our son while carrying our next buddle of joy.

    Reply
    • Michelle says

      March 30, 2017 at 8:45 am

      I'll have to get my husband in on the advice, and get back to you. And yes. It certainly is exhausting to be pregnant while caring for a baby already

      Reply
  7. Marifer Aguilera says

    March 08, 2018 at 2:27 am

    And I’m crying. I don’ know if it’s the hormones but I loved your post. I have a six-months-old son and expecting another baby. They will be 11 months apart. I will definitely bookmark this. Everytime I put my son to sleep, I feel like I can’t let go of him. This guilt of being pregnant again makes me worry at times. There are some blogs out there that just talk about having Irish twins as the worst nightmare. But, reading yours has brought me a little peace and joy after so many nights worrying about what the future holds. Thank you for sharing your experience and great advices.

    Reply
    • Michelle says

      March 08, 2018 at 7:43 am

      I'm so happy to hear that our experience helped you! Our boys are now 6 and 7 and they're still best buddies. They're practically inseparable.

      Reply
  8. Deana says

    March 23, 2018 at 9:09 pm

    Ah love this! My two are exactly 13 months apart (they are 8 weeks and 15 months now!, I also have an 8 year old I am trying to give as much time to as possible) I find that we have good days and some not so good days , I try to wake up positive and wake a little early for 15-30 minutes of “me” time where i can sit and enjoy my coffee....however I am going back to work in 4 weeks and kind of freaking out! Like you my older daughter slept amazingly from birth but my 8 week old does not sleep great...I will be working 3-12hour shifts(overnights and days) as I am a nurse and am very nervous to see how I will get any rest when I get home from an overnight and nervous for my husband to be home alone with them!! Just ranting! Thanks for your blog, I have been tired of everyone saying how terrible it is(someone actually told me it was the reason her and her husband divorced)

    Reply
  9. Ashley says

    August 08, 2019 at 8:43 pm

    I absolutely love this post. My boys are 11 months apart. Currently, they are ages 2.5 and 3.5 years old. I have to say the last 2.5 years have been a challenge but I can see it more and more how much they are best friends. I always felt guilty for something, but now they are inseparable and they are fine with having mommy dates separate even though we always bring back a special treat for the other. Even if we just go to Starbucks I let them pick out 2 pastries; one for there brother and one for themselves.

    I am also a mom blogger too that loves food. I have started cooking things more and more with my 3-year-old.

    Reply
  10. Hannah says

    September 19, 2019 at 9:34 pm

    So true about living in a small town away from things, it makes your choices a lot more calculated. I only have one at the moment, but getting in the car and going into town is an ordeal. A lot of these tips are great for kids in general! The carrier saved me many a time in shopping centres with multiple stores where I could not use the same cart, or a cart as all in some. All in all though, power to all the mama's who accomplish all of these normal daily activities with Irish Twins, you are strong women!

    Reply
  11. Terra says

    September 24, 2020 at 3:26 pm

    Thank you for your post. My husband and I have a 6 yr old son, a 22 month old son, an 11 month old son, and are scheduled to have son #4 in 5 days. Needless to say, anxiety is ridding me of joy. I know we have done this before but I cannot imagine have 3 children under 2 years apart. I’m not sure how to meet everyone’s needs without losing my mind or without someone having their feelings hurt, or getting hurt, or even being able to keep everyone happy. The demands of these tiny humans is relentless but I know I have to give selflessly to make this work out for our families wellbeing. Not everyone understands how difficult it is to have kids at different stages (at this age) and it’s frustrating. I do look forward to seeing them grow together and having fun family vacations in the future when everyone is a tad bit more Independent.

    Reply

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