You did it! You're married! But love isn't all you need for your marriage to thrive. Avoid these common mistakes as newlyweds for a long, healthy, and happy marriage.
10 Mistakes for Newlyweds to Avoid
Once you get married, you may be expecting things to be different. You will likely make mistakes as you navigate the newness of having a husband or wife. Below are ten mistakes that newlyweds should avoid whenever possible, to continue having a happy marriage once the “honeymoon phase” is over.
1. Trying to change your new spouse.
Don’t go into a marriage thinking that you can change your man or woman once the rings are on. This is setting your marriage up for failure. If you don't like something before marriage, it won't suddenly change after you're married (in fact, it might irritate your more). Just because you have committed to each other doesn’t mean you can transform your partner to fit your mold of the perfect mate. Allow for mistakes while still being clear about expectations, and always keep learning together.
2. Letting people come between you two.
Your partner is now the closest person in your life. They should be who you share the most time with and share your secrets with first. It’s easy to want to still hang out with your friends as much as before, but you may cause feelings of jealousy if you do. Your spouse should always feel like a top priority to you.
Your first priority is your spouse and the new life you are building together. Both of your friends and families need to respect your space and boundaries. Discuss with your spouse what these boundaries look like, for instance how you'll spend holidays or how often you'll hang out with friends, together or separately, and then voice those choices to your friends and family so there's no confusion.
3. Thinking it will be like the movies.
There are so many Hollywood rom-coms that present this “perfect” idea of a relationship. Don’t think getting married will put a fairytale romance at your door. 95% of relationships will never be like the movies. Real life people have real life quirks. They don't become mistake-free once you say "I do!" You have to learn to love the real world kind of love you and your new spouse have!
4. Not getting along with your in-laws.
There are some marriages where you just cannot see eye-to-eye with your in-laws. However, you must make sure you do your best to get along with your spouse’s family. Even if it means biting your tongue, be respectful and cooperate at family events for your spouse’s sake. If there are conflicts that arise, address them with your spouse first to make sure that you are on the same page, and decide together how best to handle the situation.
5. Complaining about your spouse to others.
All people and marriages have little quirks and annoyances. Someone always leaves their socks on the floor. Someone never rinses their dishes. It's normal to feel frustrated or need to vent. But publicly complaining about your spouse to friends or family damages your new marriage. It paints a negative light around your spouse to those around you. And the more you speak negatively yourself, the more negatively you'll think and feel about it. Instead, be proactive. Talk to your spouse about the big stuff, let go of the little stuff, and feel free to brag to your friends and family about all the stuff your spouse does right.
6. No longer dating your partner.
A married couple need date nights just as much as a boyfriend and girlfriend! Make sure you are still taking the time for romance in your relationship. Be spontaneous and surprise your new spouse when you can. Even if you're busy, still try for once-a-month. Stuck at home? You can still have a date. Cook a recipe together. Youtube how to ballroom dance together. Play a board game. Turn off the TV, set down the phones, and just talk!
7. Not getting any alone time/time with friends.
While it is important to spend time with your spouse, the two of you need a break from each other at times. Make sure you are having “me time” every now and then, practicing relaxing self-care tasks like a manicure, pedicure, bubble bath, or just reading a book in bed or on the sofa. Have a girl’s night out every once in a while too – it will keep your marriage happy because you’ll miss your spouse while you are away!
8. Not communicating well with your partner.
Silly arguments and being disrespectful will get your marriage nowhere. Make sure you are calm when you discuss an issue, and listen to your partner before speaking. Share your thoughts on the topic and reach a compromise without letting things get too heated.
9. Taking over his/her place.
When the two of you move in together, it’s important that you still give your spouse some space. Respect the home you two are building together. Avoid becoming a total slob or expecting him/her to get rid of all of their belongings in order to use yours. This is where compromise really comes into play!
10. Spilling your spouse's secrets with everyone else.
It’s okay to seek advice from your family and friends. However, it’s important that you talk to your spouse rather than about him/her behind their back. Marriage is an intimate place, and disclosing information that your spouse shared with you is breaking their trust.
What do you think is the hardest part of newlywed life?
Remember: a wedding is not a marriage! It is just a party. Marriage is a joining of two souls into one, which takes time, trust, forgiveness, compassion, and of course love.
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Ruth Franzen says
Super article, just wonderful. Thank you!