Let me start off by saying that I love my children dearly. Should the situation ever arise, I would give my life for them without a second thought, and I thank God every day that I have three such beautiful and amazing blessings in my life. They are cherished, loved, well-adjusted, and never neglected. But I love my husband more. And my marriage with my husband comes first. Let me tell you why.
1. I loved my husband first.
To put it simply, he was here first. I devoted myself to him before I ever devoted myself to being a mother. He’s the one who taught my heart what true love really is. Our love came before our children, so it stays before our children.
2. He’ll be here last.
The entire purpose of parenthood is to raise little people who will someday become big people and leave home and contribute to society. When my “job” as a mother is fulfilled, and our kids leave our home to start their own brand new, successful lives, what will I have left? My husband. He will still be here long after the children go to college or start their own families. He’ll be here after, just as he was here first.
3. I’m “in love” with my husband.
Like I said before, I love my children. I care for them and nurture them and sympathize with them. The love I have for my husband is different, though. It’s more intense, more passionate. We’re friends, and we’re allies.
While doing research for this, I confirmed my suspicion that I am in the minority with my feelings on this subject. I’m not sure what that makes me. A good wife? A bad mother?
Regardless of who you feel you love most, it’s important to make your spouse a priority and not let your marriage get pushed to the back burner. Your marriage is important. Feeling happy and loved with your spouse makes you happier in the rest of your life. It’s one less thing for you to worry or feel guilty about.
I know children have many needs, especially young ones. Our little ones are four, three, and one, so my oldest is just starting to assert his independence with things like eating and dressing. I don’t neglect their needs or diminish their needs, nor am I suggesting that you should. I hug them, and kiss them, and read to them, and teach them. Basically everything a mother “should do.” I don’t think you should discard your children from your priorities. They’re special, and they deserve to be there. But I do think you should elevate your husband and your marriage and your love, to a top and permanent and “’til death do we part” position.
A solid and loving marriage is important for your children. It creates a stable and secure environment for them to grow in, a safe place where their parents are a team. It models for them what a happy marriage looks like, and what they should be looking for when they start searching for their own spouse. My greatest wish for my children is that they are able to find someone who they love as much as I love their father. And that that person loves them back even more.
Did you like this? Find more on my Love & Marriage board on Pinterest!
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Ann says
January 17, 2015 at 9:05 amThen I’m right in that minority with you, girl! I believe that the husband and wife are a family. They don’t become a family when the children are born; they already are a family. The children ADD to that family. And I think kids who know that are more well-adjusted than those who live in a family centered around them. Thanks for a great article! 🙂
April says
January 17, 2015 at 9:07 amThank you for blogging about this and sharing your feelings. I am not a mother yet, but when I do become one I don’t want my mommy title to outweigh my wife title. I love my relationship with my husband. I will be doing date nights regularly without the children, people say I won’t once I do have kids. People say that will change once I have them, but I don’t think so.
Michelle Westbrook says
January 17, 2015 at 1:25 pmLove this! I don’t have children, so I may not be qualified to respond to this, but I don’t think putting your husband first makes you a bad mother. Being a child of divorce, I wonder it both of my parents made their marriage the #1 priority would my life have been different? You are setting an example for your children by showing them what a strong, loving, committed relationship is. My husband and my marriage will always be my top priority 🙂
tara says
January 18, 2015 at 9:21 pmbut I DONT feel very loved by my husband. I am trying to keep God first and pursue my relationship with my husband second. But honestly…I pray everyday that my son is not like him. that my daughter wont marry a man like him. he is a poor example of a husband and father. I honor and respect my husband because it is right. I love him because I choose to. And mostly, I pray for him because I know any growth in our family will come by God softening his heart. This all sounds nice, and I agree with most of it…but I cant wish for my kids to want what we have. I feel all they see is a lousy dad and a stressed and weepy mom.
Michelle says
January 18, 2015 at 9:40 pmI’m so sorry to hear about your situation, Tara. You’re right. Marriage is a two-way street, and it’s hard to keep choosing to love someone when you don’t feel loved in return.
Have you considered couples counseling? Sometimes it helps to go to a neutral place and just lay all your feelings on the table.
I truly hope you two can get this worked out so that you might both be happy. I will pray for you, your husband, and your marriage. ((Hugs))
Christen says
January 18, 2015 at 10:04 pmJust wanted to let you know that I featured this post on Family Fun Friday this week over at Happy and Blessed Home. Thanks so much!
Michelle says
January 18, 2015 at 10:13 pmThank you so much 🙂
Life Breath Present says
January 19, 2015 at 8:37 amMy sentiments are quite similar. I considered that Hun and I were a family before we had Baby Boy. We’ll always be a family, as we are the foundation of our bigger family (with Baby Boy and any other children we may have). My love for Hun hasn’t diminished, I think it actually has gotten deeper with the addition of Baby Boy. 🙂
marie says
January 19, 2015 at 9:05 amThis is beautiful and my sentiments as well. The love for a child and love of a spouse are not the same. Loving your husband doesn’t make a bad mom . It makes a mom who demonstrates a happy marriage and family life. With divorce running rampant an attitude such as yours may just be what’s needed. It’s worked for me 37 years. God bless you and yours.
Amy @ Life to the Full says
January 19, 2015 at 1:19 pmI totally agree! Being a good wife should make you a good mom because it is so important for our children to be raised in a stable, godly home with loving parents! Like you said – we loved our husbands first and he will be here even when it’s time for the kids to leave the nest. As a rookie parent to a two-year-old, I can see how easy it is to push marriage into the backseat – especially in the young child years. Making time for date nights out of the house or even at home at bedtime is very important, though I know my husband and I have been lacking that this year… that’s a resolution for 2015 🙂
Becky says
January 21, 2015 at 9:34 amThis really hits home! As an overly stressed wife, mother, homeschooling teacher, and blogger; I basically gave up last night! I appreciate my husband working, and I know he needs downtime after work. But yesterday I just cracked! We’re getting ready to sell our home, and we have 7 years worth of “stuff” to go through. But what was ultra stressful was that I seem to be doing most of it while hubby is playing video games. My mind filled with questions like “Why do I have to pay all the bills by myself?” “Why do I have to do all the laundry by myself?” “Why do I have to do I have have to do all the cleaning by myself?”
To make my long story shorter; last night I had decided to just give up on putting him first and doing everything for him. I decided he can start washing his own clothes, and making his own lunches for the next day. He can mow the lawn occasionally…I was just fed up and stressed.
But this post makes me re-think it all. maybe I can hold on a little longer! I have some praying to do.
Courtney says
November 19, 2015 at 4:26 pmI love this. I’m right there with you. My husband does come first. A solid, loving upbringing requires a strong foundation (the parents). This isn’t achieved if husband and wife don’t put themselves before their children.
Tiffany Montgomery says
June 12, 2017 at 9:11 pmYou summed that up perfectly! Love what you have to share.