How to Make Your Husband a Priority in your life for a happy and healthy marriage.
How to Make Your Husband a Priority
Remember when you and your husband first got together? When he made butterflies in your stomach and you would smile when you even thought about him? Remember when he was your world? When you stood before him, along with your friends, family, and God and vowed to cherish him for the rest of your life?
It was easy then, wasn't it? Making your husband a priority was simple back then. But life has a way of bogging you down with responsibilities and to-do lists that are never-ending, and the easiest thing to put on the back burner is your marriage, especially if you have kids. After all, your kids can't even meet their own needs without your assistance, and your husband is a full grown man who can take care of himself. It's natural that he gets pushed aside, reasonable even.
I talked about why I think this is a bad idea in "I Love My Husband Most," but I wanted to follow up with some practical advice on how to put your husband first.
Ask Your Husband What Matters Most
I'm not super woman, and I'm most definitely not telling you that you should be either. I have three kids all preschool age and younger, I work from home, and I also have the same never-ending house chore list, just like you. Believe me when I say, I'm not trying to make your list longer or negate the importance of your other responsibilities. However I do think some rearranging is in order.
Since you can't do it all (and you shouldn't! You're human, after all!), sit down and actually ask your husband what makes him feel the most special. Ask him what you can move up (or down) your priority list to show him that you love him and that his wants and needs are important to you.
For example, I'm sitting here writing this in my pajamas with my hair in a ponytail. Mr. Gracious completely doesn't care if I get all dolled up, or even out of my pajamas. In fact, I hear him tell me that I'm beautiful more often on days when I'm in my pajamas and forgot to brush my hair, than when I'm all dressed up for date night! It's totally not on his priority list, so it's way down on mine as well. Mr. Gracious does however appreciate a home free of clutter, clean laundry and dishes, and a home-cooked dinner (His love language is Acts of Service, if you couldn't tell. To find out your spouse's love language, check out The 5 Love Languages
Questions to Get You Started:
The most obvious question, of course, is simply "What makes you feel special?" But if this just results in your husband staring at you confused, here are some prompts to start you both in the right direction:
- "Are there any meals that you absolutely love when I cook?" Or conversely, ask if there are any meals that you cook that he really doesn't like that he would like you to take off the menu.
- If you could pick one thing that bothers you most around the house that you wish was done everyday, what would it be?
- Don't skirt around your sex life. Both of you need to be honest about your feelings with your current sex life, and discuss any changes that either of you feel need to be made. Sex is an important priority in any marriage.
More Ideas to Show Your Husband He's a Priority
- Let him have a few minutes of downtime when he gets home from work to unwind and adjust to his home surroundings
- Pack a lunch for him for work. If you're really ambitious you can leave a fun, flirty note for him to find.
- Participate in his favorite hobby, or at least be an interested spectator.
- Put on an outfit that he loves. Or stay away from clothes you know he hates.
- Make his favorite meal, or avoid meals he hates.
- Kiss every day.
- Plan a relaxing date night.
- Listen when your spouse does actually want to talk.
- Put your phone away when you're with your husband. Show him he's more important than Facebook or Pinterest, or anyone that happens to text while you're together.
- Schedule a special time to spend together everyday, even if it's just 10 minutes. Our special time is after the kids go to bed, but maybe your special time is over coffee or breakfast, or even while doing something that's usually mundane together, like the dishes after dinner.
- Try starting off on the right foot with a great guide book, like The Husband Project
or The Love Dare
.
How do you show your husband he's special and a top priority in your life?
Did you like this? Find more on my Love & Marriage boards on Pinterest!
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Tiffany Montgomery says
The idea of asking him makes me nervous... I am not a mind reader, but I am afraid he will say I am not doing a good job putting him high on my priority list. But I'm going to do it!
Bri says
What work do you do from home? It's my dream to be there more for my family at home than working 12 hours a day. This is why my hubby hasn't been priority.
Michelle says
Hi, Bri! I own this site, so this is actually my work. Writing, editing, photography, marketing, recipe development,... Lots for a small business owner to do. I wouldn't say I work *less* than average people BUT I do get total flexibility of hours.
Janet says
I totally get putting husband on your priority list, don’t get me wrong, but do you put anything for yourself on your priority list as well? If getting dressed and doing your hair makes you feel good why put it at the bottom only because he doesn’t find it a priority to him? Can’t you do it for yourself?
As I’m reading this it seems that it’s do everything for your husband and nothing for yourself. You can’t loose yourself in your marriage. What if you already have a high demanding husband who thinks that should just forget about yourself and only make him a priority?? That’s my current situation.
Michelle says
That's a frustrating place to be in. Of course, you need to be able to do things for yourself that make you feel good or happy or even just human. The purpose of the writing was to encourage wives to make sure that we don't get lost in housework and child-rearing and lose sight of the fact our husbands need to be at the top of our priority list too. So just some little things to let your husband know that, even when you're busy, he's still a valuable and important part of your life.
For me, I'm a home body who loves her jammies, so getting dressed or doing hair and make up naturally fall low on my list. But I do do things for myself. Every day I take an hour lunch and enjoy a book, and that really helps me keep my sanity. It doesn't benefit anyone except me.
It sounds like you're maybe in a situation where you're being neglected and are left feeling like you aren't a priority. You absolutely should be to your husband. The road goes both ways. I encourage you to let him know how you're feeling because there's a possibility he doesn't even realize how he's making you feel. I hope you can get things worked out and find a happier place.
Shamone says
I like this article. I show love for my husband by making his breakfast, lunch, and dinners. I also send him encouraging messages either by little notes in his lunch bag or around the house, or texting. I also do the cleaning around the house and he loves it when I take care of those things. It makes me happy that those simple things makes him feel appreciated. I Ivo these things because he’s said it many times how much he appreciates what I do for him.
Michelle says
That's so sweet of both you. You for thinking to do things that makes him feel appreciated, and him for telling you how much he appreciates what you do. I hope you have a long and blessed marriage.
Maddie says
I love the idea by asking my husband how to please him or what to do to make Him feels like a priority on my list when in my heart He was,I am someone who is praying for a revival for my marriage ,your prayer is greatly needed.thank you so much for the great advice .God bless !
moj says
hi, i read this article and my husband and i have been married for 15 years. we have 2 chidren ages 9 amd 8 months. i left my job in 2017 to move so we could be closer to his. i do all the cooking, paying bills, laundry, tending to the kids, and help him with the yard work. after my many other jobs, i am tired. he likes to sit on the couch all day and watch movies and after the 2nd movie i want to find something different to entertain us. i always have to come to him and do the things i want to do. i know he has a stressful job, how do i get better at making him a priority? i get resentful at times because it seems like all he does is go to work and i have the 10 jobs.
Marilyn says
Making the time to make my husband a priority is my biggest drawback. But I know how important it is! Thanks for reminding me again and for the encouragement.